"Why I Said "NO" To His Engagement Proposal"

 Most of the time we get so carried away by the wedding and forget about marriage itself,in that process we say yes to the wrong guy,just because we want to feel among and want to be" Mrs somebody" it is better to wait for the right person for a few more years than to be with wrong person,more than 50%  of married women today are living in self pity and regret. Before you say Yes please read why Heather Lindsey said no to her ex,it could just be an eye opener for you.

"Lord, help me understand!? I mean, I don't see any other guys around and I think I want to marry him? I mean, I'm not totally sold on him, nor do I respect him as a man, but it works... God, I just.want.to.be.married.

So, we begin to move forward and discuss marriage. My heart constantly said no. My mind says no and my gut says no. But, I'm in my twenties.. my friends are getting married & I sure don't feel like starting over. 

So, he asks me and I tell him no. Then I tell him to stop asking me! I was AFRAID of marriage! What was I doing? I was buying time and stringing him along which was SO wrong. 

I said no to marriage to him because:

1. I didn't respect him as a man. I didn't believe in him and it didn't matter how much money he had or where he was working, I knew all of those things were temporary. I needed a man with vision, I needed someone I could believe in if he LOST all temporary things on this earth. When my now husband and I got married, he had a very high position at his old job. 3 months into our marriage-- God told him to leave his job and move to Mississippi and study the bible. HUH? You mean, God told you not to work and to just study & spend time with Him? To the natural eye, it may sound crazy but Ibelieved in my husband and I still do. He would spend 10-12 hours a day with studying His bible. One year later, we started Pinky Promise. One year and a half later, we moved back to Atlanta and we started The Gathering Oasis- Church. God was preparing us. So, let me ask you this sis: If he wants to pack up and move to Alaska, will you be shopping for snow boots or will you nag him until he doubts what God told him?

2. I didn't have peace. The man pushed me away from Jesus and I clearly made our relationship my god. There was no standards. There were no boundaries. We had sex outside of marriage. It was emotionally led. It was controlling. My thing is this, if you led our relationship to SEX (fornication)-- a fruit of the FLESH, then what will our marriage look like? If I'm going to submit to you-- I need to know that YOU know where we are going and that you can properly lead me.  

3. I wasn't getting better as a woman. In Ephesians 5:25 it says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." Ok, I had to ask myself this question:  Was this man presenting me as a radiant church without spot or wrinkle? Um. No. Granted, I had a part to play too- I could have said "no" to the sex outside of marriage. But it was hard. I told him I didn't want to kiss until our wedding day and I quickly learned that he tried to kiss me everywhere else BUT on my face. Really? It takes TWO people to be on the SAME page. Amos 3:3 says that how can TWO people walk together unless they agree?? It's not enough for one person to want purity & the other person to want sex. Guess what, he's going to make you stumble sis. Let him go because it's much easier to pull you off the chair than it is to pull you up onto it. 

4. He wasn't a leader. Well, maybe he was a leader? But he sure wasn't leading me and I knew that he wouldn't lead my one day son that he wanted to have & I refused to birth a generation of wimpy men. Remember that you marry his mindset & his ways and he pours that into your kid, if he's around. 

5. I didn't trust him. Because he couldn't keep his hands off of me, we kept breaking up. Then I would find that he would run back to other women. Clearly, he had the same problem that I once had-- allowing humans to fill my voids. So, what would happen when our "marriage" hit a rough spot?? Would you run off to your co-worker?

6. I wasn't attracted to him. You have to wake up and love who you're looking at. I took all of the above + the fact that I wasn't attracted to him. I understand that physical ain't everything. It's FAR from it, but I wanted to be attracted to my one-day husband. 

7. I didn't like his friends. Lets just be honest, you are a reflection of your friends. His friends were playboys and loved to hang out and party. So, you can imagine how his bachelor party would look like.. strippers & all. I wanted a man that had accountability in his relationships and those men pushed him closer to the Lord. Even his "friends" at church were so carnal, I wasn't a believer. 

8. He was so secretive. If you cannot communicate and get on the same page as me while we are in a relationship, then our marriage will be in shambles. Communication wasn't a HUGE deal breaker, but after the top 7 things, I knew he wasn't it. This pairs with the leadership thing. I just don't know where we are going or if we are going to live in 10 different places in a 3-month span because I watch your life & it's so unstable. 

9. He was somebody else's husband. As I shared in "Where is my Adam" I believe that God allowed that door to be closed because it wasn't Gods will that we were to be together. Even if your relationship seems so perfect, if it's not God's will- you won't be doing what HE wants you to do. Especially if your man isn't saved. If you try to change him once you get the ring-- that man will resent the God that you serve and hate both of you. 

10. God told me no. I talked about "How to Hear God's voice" and I KNEW God was telling me NO. He was showing me WARNING signs & I never had a "good" feeling about walking down the aisle with this guy. Sis, I encourage you to tell that man NO! Even if you've already said yes. Even if the invites have been sent out. Even if you've already booked the venue. Yes, it may be hard to do it, but you'll either have a broken engagement or a broken marriage where you now include children.

A ring and a marriage ain't everything. Living for Jesus and giving our whole hearts to Him is everything. So, if you're in a relationship that you're not supposed to be in-- I encourage you to break it off and ask the Lord to give you boldness and help to keep your decision, even when you're lonely. Learn to trust God sis, I know it's hard but He is jealous for the time & the attention you give these guys! 

The worst feeling for a woman is to walk down the aisle to a man that God never told her to be with. She will remember that feeling forever. Walk down that aisle with peace instead. 

If if you did marry a man that you have no peace with, you will experience attacks that someone else may not have to go through. There is a cost to pay for disobeying God, BUT God can still use your marriage. Win your guy over with your quiet & gentle spirit & pray earnestly that God would save him.

God loves you like crazy. 

Heather Lindsey

Photos:Omotola Jalade Ekeinde land Ghana for a meeting at Ghandour cosmetics,as their Ambassador.

Nollywood superstar Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde arrived in Ghana for a visit to Ghandour Cosmetics Ltd. She was recently announced as the face of BO-16, a hair relaxer and hair care range for the pan-African company. She visited the office for a meeting and to see the range of products that she will endorse.
See the pics below.

Praiz gave N10m to a baby with hole in the heart.

 kindhearted soul singer Praiz gave his one month revenue from the sales of his caller-tune for a little girl with a hole in the heart,Somaya Olayinka Dali.Somaya had a successful surgery late last year to close the hole in her heart,but needed money for post surgery care.
Thank you Praiz!!

Deeper life G.O Pastor Kumuyi reinstates son as Pastor, 7 months after suspension

   John Kumuyi was suspended for having an extravagant wedding according to the church and the bride wearing makeup and fitted wedding dress,pastor Kumuyi and the elders of the church forgave John and his wife after 7 months.He (John)has been reinstated back and preach on the pulpit.you can read the full story  here

BBA. 2013 winner,Dillish Visits School Of The Hearing Impaired - Says ''They Stole My Heart''

                               They gave her gift also....Nice

                 Dillish this morning visited a school of the hearing impaired.

 Awwww! that's so thoughtful of you,you are beautiful in and out.

Iyanya Tattoos late Parents And Sibling names On His Body As Remembrance.

  I can imagine the love he has for them and the pains he feel right now,but in every thing there is a time, a time to live and a time to die.."keep on keeping on".may their soul rest in peace.

Rihanna and Drake,Are they back together????

    According to TZM. Drake and Rihanna hooked up and had dinner together at L'Avenue in paris on sunday night, the on/off couple left separately to avoid being photographed together.

Cutie of the Day!!!!!!!

Miss Azie is a model and an ex beauty Queen,she is a student of Benson Idahosa University......

Horrific:Pretty Gabriella was beaten and thrown out of a moving vehicle by her boyfriend.

I hope this guy pays for this!!!

pre-wedding photos of Oba of Benin 6th Son, Osama Erediauwa......

   The 6th son and !0th child of the Oba of Benin is set to walk down the aisle with,Ebba Patrica Edirin,on the 13th and 14th of march 2014.The traditional and white wedding is scheduled to hold in sapele and Benin respectively.


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17 year old Bowen Student killed for rejecting sexual advances

  

Opeyemi 17years old, pictured above was a 300 level student of Biochemistry at the Bowen University, she was to be raped for not accepting sexual advances from boys in her neighborhood for being "too proud" fought against it and was stabbed to death with her intestine ripped out.... 

Punch newspaper gave the account of the story as offered by an anonymous Police Officer

"In the afternoon of February 3rd 2014, the deceased went to buy to airtime for her phone. As she was returning, a group of cult members trailed and entered the house with her. Opeyemi was alone in the house when the boys entered. They instructed her to turn on the generator so that if she screamed no one would hear her. We believe they wanted to rape the girl but she must have put up a fierce struggle as the whole house was scattered. They guys subsequently stabbed her in the stomach several times and ripped out her intestine. After killing her they took her phone and the keys to her parent's vehicle, a jeep, which was on the table. They stole the jeep which was parked in the compound after killing the girl".

"By all indications, the girl was not raped because her clothes were intact. The knife used in killing her has been recovered.

After the murder, the guys used her phone to send her mother a text message saying "Your child has been proud. We have been toasting her, but she has refused to accept. We have killed her to teach a lesson. We have also driven your car away. If you want your car back, come to Lakas Hotel or Cele Bus Stop around Mile 2 to pick it up. If we see policemen around, we will kill everybody.”

The victim’s mother, Olayinka, had a panic attack after reading the message and quickly told those around her. Then the family’s housemaid called the mum to confirm what had happened. The woman returned to the house to meet the lifeless body of her child.

Punch reports that the distraught mum who is a senior official at the Mushin Local Government Council has gone into great shock over the incident has since been relocated to the camp ground of the Redeem Christian Church of God.

May God comfort her family.

The police are investigating the case. Rest in peace....

Brilliant!!!!read what chimamanda Adichie wrote about the anti gay law.

Article written by award winning writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie titled 'Why can’t he just be like everyone else?' ..........

 

I will call him Sochukwuma. A thin, smiling boy who liked to play with us girls at the university primary school in Nsukka. We were young. We knew he was different, we said, ‘he’s not like the other boys.’ But his was a benign and unquestioned difference; it was simply what it was. We did not have a name for him. We did not know the word ‘gay.’ He was Sochukwuma and he was friendly and he played oga so well that his side always won.

In secondary school, some boys in his class tried to throw Sochukwuma off a second floor balcony. They were strapping teenagers who had learned to notice, and fear, difference. They had a name for him. Homo. They mocked him because his hips swayed when he walked and his hands fluttered when he spoke. He brushed away their taunts, silently, sometimes grinning an uncomfortable grin. He must have wished that he could be what they wanted him to be. I imagine now how helplessly lonely he must have felt. The boys often asked, “Why can’t he just be like everyone else?”

Possible answers to that question include ‘because he is abnormal,’ ‘because he is a sinner, ‘because he chose the lifestyle.’ But the truest answer is ‘We don’t know.’ There is humility and humanity in accepting that there are things we simply don’t know. At the age of 8, Sochukwuma was obviously different.  It was not about sex, because it could not possibly have been – his hormones were of course not yet fully formed – but it was an awareness of himself, and other children’s awareness of him, as different. He could not have ‘chosen the lifestyle’ because he was too young to do so. And why would he – or anybody – choose to be homosexual in a world that makes life so difficult for homosexuals?

The new law that criminalizes homosexuality is popular among Nigerians. But it shows a failure of our democracy, because the mark of a true democracy is not in the rule of its majority but in the protection of its minority – otherwise mob justice would be considered democratic. The law is also unconstitutional, ambiguous, and a strange priority in a country with so many real problems. Above all else, however, it is unjust. Even if this was not a country of abysmal electricity supply where university graduates are barely literate and people die of easily-treatable causes and Boko Haram commits casual mass murders, this law would still be unjust.  We cannot be a just society unless we are able to accommodate benign difference, accept benign difference, live and let live. We may not understand homosexuality, we may find it personally abhorrent but our response cannot be to criminalize it.

A crime is a crime for a reason. A crime has victims. A crime harms society. On what basis is homosexuality a crime? Adults do no harm to society in how they love and whom they love. This is a law that will not prevent crime, but will, instead, lead to crimes of violence: there are already, in different parts of Nigeria, attacks on people ‘suspected’ of being gay. Ours is a society where men are openly affectionate with one another. Men hold hands. Men hug each other. Shall we now arrest friends who share a hotel room, or who walk side by side? How do we determine the clunky expressions in the law – ‘mutually beneficial,’ ‘directly or indirectly?’

 

 

Many Nigerians support the law because they believe the Bible condemns homosexuality. The Bible can be a basis for how we choose to live our personal lives, but it cannot be a basis for the laws we pass, not only because the holy books of different religions do not have equal significance for all Nigerians but also because the holy books are read differently by different people. The Bible, for example, also condemns fornication and adultery and divorce, but they are not crimes.

For supporters of the law, there seems to be something about homosexuality that sets it apart. A sense that it is not ‘normal.’ If we are part of a majority group, we tend to think others in minority groups are abnormal, not because they have done anything wrong, but because we have defined normal to be what we are and since they are not like us, then they are abnormal. Supporters of the law want a certain semblance of human homogeneity. But we cannot legislate into existence a world that does not exist: the truth of our human condition is that we are a diverse, multi-faceted species. The measure of our humanity lies, in part, in how we think of those different from us. We cannot – should not – have empathy only for people who are like us.

Some supporters of the law have asked – what is next, a marriage between a man and a dog?’ Or ‘have you seen animals being gay?’ (Actually, studies show that there is homosexual behavior in many species of animals.) But, quite simply, people are not dogs, and to accept the premise – that a homosexual is comparable to an animal – is inhumane. We cannot reduce the humanity of our fellow men and women because of how and who they love. Some animals eat their own kind, others desert their young. Shall we follow those examples, too?

Other supporters suggest that gay men sexually abuse little boys. But pedophilia and homosexuality are two very different things. There are men who abuse little girls, and women who abuse little boys, and we do not presume that they do it because they are heterosexuals. Child molestation is an ugly crime that is committed by both straight and gay adults (this is why it is a crime: children, by virtue of being non-adults, require protection and are unable to give sexual consent).

There has also been some nationalist posturing among supporters of the law. Homosexuality is ‘unafrican,’ they say, and we will not become like the west. The west is not exactly a homosexual haven; acts of discrimination against homosexuals are not uncommon in the US and Europe. But it is the idea of ‘unafricanness’ that is truly insidious. Sochukwuma was born of Igbo parents and had Igbo grandparents and Igbo great-grandparents. He was born a person who would romantically love other men. Many Nigerians know somebody like him. The boy who behaved like a girl. The girl who behaved like a boy. The effeminate man. The unusual woman. These were people we knew, people like us, born and raised on African soil. How then are they ‘unafrican?’

If anything, it is the passage of the law itself that is ‘unafrican.’ It goes against the values of tolerance and ‘live and let live’ that are part of many African cultures. (In 1970s Igboland, Area Scatter was a popular musician, a man who dressed like a woman, wore makeup, plaited his hair. We don’t know if he was gay – I think he was – but if he performed today, he could conceivably be sentenced to fourteen years in prison. For being who he is.) And it is informed not by a home-grown debate but by a cynically borrowed one: we turned on CNN and heard western countries debating ‘same sex marriage’ and we decided that we, too, would pass a law banning same sex marriage. Where, in Nigeria, whose constitution defines marriage as being between a man and a woman, has any homosexual asked for same-sex marriage?

This is an unjust law. It should be repealed. Throughout history, many inhumane laws have been passed, and have subsequently been repealed. Barack Obama, for example, would not be here today had his parents obeyed American laws that criminalized marriage between blacks and whites.

An acquaintance recently asked me, ‘if you support gays, how would you have been born?’ Of course, there were gay Nigerians when I was conceived. Gay people have existed as long as humans have existed. They have always been a small percentage of the human population. We don’t know why. What matters is this: Sochukwuma is a Nigerian and his existence is not a crime.